5 Reasons You Struggle to Leave or Stay In A Relationship
Many of us may find ourselves feeling uncertain about the future of our relationship. When we feel uncertain, it can be difficult to make a decision to either remain in our relationship or leave. Difficulty in making a decision may be tied to multiple factors.
Hope for Change
You may find yourself questioning if your partner will change, or if the relationship can improve. This sense of hope can create a sense of loyalty to the relationship when you reflect on past positive memories, and/or a longing for things to return to “how they once were”.
Fear of the Unknown
It is normal to hold onto the sense of stability and familiarity in a relationship. Sometimes, our romantic relationships can feel like a “chosen family” when we may lack strong family support. The idea of losing this source of security, even if you are unhappy or unfulfilled can make the decision feel incredibly difficult and trigger a fear of abandonment, feelings of loneliness, which can make it challenging to walk away. You may find yourself weighing the comfort of a known relationship against the risks of an unknown future.
Emotional Dependency and Shared Identity
In close relationships, people often develop a sense of a shared identity and emotional interdependence. You may find yourself feeling that leaving the relationship would mean you would lose a part of yourself, your sense of purpose, or support.
Guilt and Responsibility
You may be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt when thinking of the impact you may have on your friends, or family if you decide to end the relationship, especially if you feel responsible for your partner’s well-being. This sense of responsibility can lead to self-blame and a reluctance to end a relationship, even if you are unhappy. Cultural and familial pressures can add a layer of difficulty, especially if you feel that ending or staying in a relationship would lead to judgement or social isolation. The pressure to conform and please those close to you can add a significant emotional burden.
Self-Doubt and Fear of Regret
You may fear making the “wrong decision”and be preoccupied with future regrets. You may find yourself worrying about missing out on the relationship’s future potential or regret leaving the relationship if you feel grief or loneliness.
Addressing these blocks in therapy can help you gain clarity and feel empowered to make compassionate decisions to what truly aligns with your needs.
Individual Relationship Counselling can help by:
Starting relationship counselling can help to explore your emotional needs and desire for connection and security, without shame or judgement. This can help you determine if the relationship meets or undermines your needs, and if you are staying for true connection or out of fear of the unknown.
Assessing if your hope for change in your relationship is grounded in actual signs of growth or based on idealised memories. This can help empower you to make decisions based on current realities rather than hopeful possibilities alone.
Reflecting on your own patterns and contributions to the relationship dynamic and help you determine if you have a willingness to change one-self, regardless of staying or leaving the relationship.
Exploring and strengthening your sense of identity outside of the relationship by uncovering your own values, strengths, and individual sources of fulfilment. By feeling more grounded in your sense of identity, the fear of losing a part of yourself if you leave can be reduced.
Learning healthy boundaries to separate your own emotional needs from your perceived responsibility for your partner’s happiness. This can help you build self-compassion and pursue your own emotional well-being without excessive guilt that may prevent you from making a decision.
Processing and understanding external pressures around your relationship. Therapy can help you feel a sense of empowerment in making choices aligned to your authentic self rather than reacting to the opinions and judgement of others.
Conclusion
When you are struggling with difficult decisions, it is easy to often feel overwhelmed and stuck. Individual relationship counselling can offer a safe and nonjudgmental space to help unpack the blocks that make you feel stuck in your decision. To learn more, please reach out to one of our therapists to see how we can best support you.
