Discernment Counselling
Are you eager to save your relationship and to start couples therapy while your partner is feeling uncertain about the relationship?
Are you and your partner considering a separation or divorce but not sure if it is the right decision?
Discernment counselling might be the right choice for you and your partner. It offers the opportunity to pause, slow down and carefully consider your options.
What is Discernment Counselling?
Discernment counselling is designed to support couples where one partner is motivated in rebuilding the relationship and the other partner is ambivalent and feeling uncertain if couples therapy will help.
The goal of Discernment Counseling is to help couples gain greater clarity and confidence about what direction to take for your relationship based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to your relationship and each person’s contributions to the problems. The goal is not to solve the problems in the relationship, but to see if they are solvable.
Discernment Counselling is a brief short-term couples counselling with a maximum of five sessions. It will help you decide on one of the three paths:
Path One – to continue the status quo in the relationship
Path Two – to end the relationship and proceed with a separation/ divorce
Path Three – to move forward with couples therapy with a commitment of 6 months
Who is suitable for discernment counselling?
Couples who are considering breaking up, getting a separation or divorce
Even for couples where one partner has an affair, an infidelity or substance use
How can discernment counselling help you and your partner?
It can help you gain a better understanding on each partner’s contribution to the breakdown of your relationship.
Even if a separation or divorce has been decided, it can make the separation and divorce process less stressful and financial burden, especially if children are involved.
It can be really helpful for future relationships when one can reflect on and take ownership of their contributions to the relationship problems.
What can you expect?
My goal is to create a compassionate and non-judgemental space to explore with each of you. You will be treated with respect and compassion regardless of how you feel about the relationship.
Discernment Counselling is a brief process with a maximum of five sessions.
First Session – 90 - 120 minutes and both partners are required to attend. I meet with both partners together for about 40 minutes to discuss their relationship, then individually for about 35 - 45 minutes. Both partners meet again with me to debrief and to collaboratively decide if they want to attend another session.
Subsequent Sessions – 90 minutes and both partners are required to attend. I meet with both partners together for a brief check in, then individually for 30 - 40 minutes to discuss your relationship. Both partners meet again to debrief and to collaboratively decide if they want to attend another session.
How is discernment counselling different from couples therapy?
There is a clear difference between discernment counselling and couples therapy.
The goal of couples therapy is typically to improve and repair the relationship. However, when one partner is motivated to rebuild the relationship and the other is uncertain, or even hopeless that the relationship can change, couples therapy may not be effective. Couples therapy requires both partners to be engaged and committed to the process.
Discernment counselling helps each partner carefully consider their options and reflect on their contributions to the breakdown of the relationship. The goal is not to solve the relationship problems but to determine if they can be solved. Also, the counsellor spends more time with each partner individually rather than together as a couple. If they do choose couples therapy as a path after discernment counselling, they are more ready and motivated and therefore can benefit more significantly from the process.
