Sex Therapy
Many clients come to me feeling stuck when it comes to sexual intimacy and don’t know how to rekindle their desire and sexual satisfaction. Some struggle with feelings of rejection; some struggle with feelings of guilt and shame around lack of desire or their own sexuality. Seeking professional sex therapy is helpful for individuals and couples whether you are in a new relationship or have been together for many years.
Why is sex therapy important?
Sexual intimacy is important to overall relationship connection and satisfaction. Research indicates that sexual intimacy accounts for 15-20% of relationship satisfaction; however, when sexual intimacy is problematic, it accounts for 50-70% of relationship dissatisfaction. In other words, dissatisfaction with your sex life can have a major impact on the health of your relationship.
How can sex therapy help you and your partner reclaim sexual intimacy?
find words to communicate your feelings, preferences, and any concerns
learn the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire
break the routine and create the right context - the environment and the mental and emotional state - for desire to emerge
identify what activates the accelerator and what hits the brakes in your sexual brain
reshape your relationship to your body and attitudes about sex
shift from anxiety and performance to pleasure and playfulness
What is sex therapy?
You can expect to talk about your sexual difficulties in a supportive, respectful and empowering environment. The first session will focus on understanding your concerns and goals. You may be invited to share your personal history, sexual feelings and experiences to help determine the medical, psychological and relational aspects of your concerns. You will always have the option to decline if you do not feel ready to share something. A consultation with a medical doctor or a pelvic physiotherapist may also be recommended. Treatment may include education on sexual response, reading, and exercises you can do in the privacy of your home to improve your comfort level with sexual intimacy and expression.
Sexual dissatisfaction and lack of desire may be a result of relationship issues and disconnection. If this is the case, it is important that couples first learn to reconnect emotionally to create a safe place for sexual exploration and expression.
Differing desire levels (desire discrepancy)
You want more sex than your partner. You can’t help feeling rejected and it’s too scary to initiate sex. Or you may feel guilty and pressured for not wanting sex as often as your partner does. Increasing anxiety and resentment can build around sex so you feel like having sex is the last thing you want to do. Sex therapy will help you and your partner better understand your sexual history and experience, express your feelings and process them to rebuild safety and emotional connection. You will also learn to practise sensual activities at home to promote more comfort and rekindle desire.
Sex after kids
Sex is dull and you don’t know what happened to the energy you and your partner used to have. You are exhausted and sex seems to be yet another task on the endless to-do list. It can be especially challenging for birth mothers who are experiencing and making sense of their new bodies. Sex therapy supports you and your partner to first learn to nurture your own physical and emotional well-being and to reconnect with your erotic self. You will also learn as a couple how to create rituals to help you transition to an erotic space, and how to carve out time and be intentional about creating positive, sustainable sexual habits.
Sex during or after fertility treatment
During fertility treatment, sex is functional and all about procreation. You are told when to have sex, whether you are in the mood or not. The invasive nature of fertility treatment takes the fun, privacy and romance out of sex, making sex feel like a chore. Sex therapy help couples process the complex experience and feelings that accompany fertility treatment and reconnect with their sexual identity. Sex therapy helps couples reflect on the contexts in which they had previously experienced sexual connection. Your sex life does not need to be all about ovulation cycles anymore.
Sex after an affair
Guilt, resentment, curiosity, and imagination sometimes take over after infidelity. There is a lack of safety and a desire to control which does not help you feel closer to your partner. Sex therapy can help you address the underlying emotions as well as create new ways to communicate your needs and desire.
Orgasm difficulties
You feel like something is wrong with you. You feel broken. Your partner is upset that he or she cannot satisfy you. There are different types of orgasm and the majority of women cannot climax during sex. The reason could be physical, psychological, relational, or related to lack of arousal. Sex therapy help you better understand your body and learn the stimulation that you need to reach orgasm. A sex therapist helps you to process mental and emotional inhibitors and to learn to relax and be more present. Sex therapy also helps partners focus on pleasure and playfulness as the goal of sex and intimacy, taking the pressure off. Sex can be fun.
Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation
You may feel ashamed and inadequate. Men with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation struggle with feelings of embarrassment and humiliation. Seeking help from a professional sex therapist will help you understand what is premature ejaculation, identify underlying emotional issues and ease performance anxiety to stop premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. You will learn how to relax and focus on the enjoyment of being physically close to your partner. You can feel more confident about yourself and take control of your sexual experience.
Painful intercourse
You have been avoiding sex because it is painful. You may even suffer in silence and feel unable to share your feelings with your partner. Painful intercourse, also referred to as vaginismus, can be caused by a number of medical or physiological reasons. Factors such as fear of pain or insufficient lubrication can also make it worse. A sex therapist can help uncover the underlying psychological issues and help partners to communicate their feelings and needs to each other. Pelvic physiotherapy may be helpful as well. Sex doesn’t have to be painful; it can be enjoyable.
