Sex Therapy
Many clients come to me feeling stuck when it comes to sexual intimacy and don’t know how to rekindle their desire and sexual satisfaction. Some struggle with feelings of rejection; some struggle with feelings of guilt and shame around lack of desire or their own sexuality. Seeking professional sex therapy is helpful for individuals and couples whether you are in a new relationship or have been together for many years.
Why is sex therapy important?
Sexual intimacy is important to overall relationship connection and satisfaction. Research indicates that sexual intimacy accounts for 15-20% of relationship satisfaction; however, when sexual intimacy is problematic, it accounts for 50-70% of relationship dissatisfaction. In other words, dissatisfaction with your sex life can have a major impact on the health of your relationship.
How can sex therapy help you and your partner reclaim sexual intimacy?
find words to communicate your feelings, preferences, and any concerns
learn the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire
break the routine and create the right context - the environment and the mental and emotional state - for desire to emerge
identify what activates the accelerator and what hits the brakes in your sexual brain
reshape your relationship to your body and attitudes about sex
shift from anxiety and performance to pleasure and playfulness
What is sex therapy?
You can expect to talk about your sexual difficulties in a supportive, respectful and empowering environment. The first session will focus on understanding your concerns and goals. You may be invited to share your personal history, sexual feelings and experiences to help determine the medical, psychological and relational aspects of your concerns. You will always have the option to decline if you do not feel ready to share something. A consultation with a medical doctor or a pelvic physiotherapist may also be recommended. Treatment may include education on sexual response, reading, and exercises you can do in the privacy of your home to improve your comfort level with sexual intimacy and expression.
Sexual dissatisfaction and lack of desire may be a result of relationship issues and disconnection. If this is the case, it is important that couples first learn to reconnect emotionally to create a safe place for sexual exploration and expression.
Differing desire levels (desire discrepancy)
You want more sex than your partner. You can’t help feeling rejected and it’s too scary to initiate sex. Or you may feel guilty and pressured for not wanting sex as often as your partner does. Increasing anxiety and resentment can build around sex so you feel like having sex is the last thing you want to do. Sex therapy will help you and your partner better understand your sexual history and experience, express your feelings and process them to rebuild safety and emotional connection. You will also learn to practise sensual activities at home to promote more comfort and rekindle desire.
Sex after kids
Sex is dull and you don’t know what happened to the energy you and your partner used to have. You are exhausted and sex seems to be yet another task on the endless to-do list. It can be especially challenging for birth mothers who are experiencing and making sense of their new bodies. Sex therapy supports you and your partner to first learn to nurture your own physical and emotional well-being and to reconnect with your erotic self. You will also learn as a couple how to create rituals to help you transition to an erotic space, and how to carve out time and be intentional about creating positive, sustainable sexual habits.
Sex during or after fertility treatment
During fertility treatment, sex is functional and all about procreation. You are told when to have sex, whether you are in the mood or not. The invasive nature of fertility treatment takes the fun, privacy and romance out of sex, making sex feel like a chore. Sex therapy help couples process the complex experience and feelings that accompany fertility treatment and reconnect with their sexual identity. Sex therapy helps couples reflect on the contexts in which they had previously experienced sexual connection. Your sex life does not need to be all about ovulation cycles anymore.
Sex after an affair
Guilt, resentment, curiosity, and imagination sometimes take over after infidelity. There is a lack of safety and a desire to control which does not help you feel closer to your partner. Sex therapy can help you address the underlying emotions as well as create new ways to communicate your needs and desire.
Orgasm difficulties
You feel like something is wrong with you. You feel broken. Your partner is upset that he or she cannot satisfy you. There are different types of orgasm and the majority of women cannot climax during sex. The reason could be physical, psychological, relational, or related to lack of arousal. Sex therapy help you better understand your body and learn the stimulation that you need to reach orgasm. A sex therapist helps you to process mental and emotional inhibitors and to learn to relax and be more present. Sex therapy also helps partners focus on pleasure and playfulness as the goal of sex and intimacy, taking the pressure off. Sex can be fun.
Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation
You may feel ashamed and inadequate. Men with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation struggle with feelings of embarrassment and humiliation. Seeking help from a professional sex therapist will help you understand what is premature ejaculation, identify underlying emotional issues and ease performance anxiety to stop premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. You will learn how to relax and focus on the enjoyment of being physically close to your partner. You can feel more confident about yourself and take control of your sexual experience.
Painful intercourse
You have been avoiding sex because it is painful. You may even suffer in silence and feel unable to share your feelings with your partner. Painful intercourse, also referred to as vaginismus, can be caused by a number of medical or physiological reasons. Factors such as fear of pain or insufficient lubrication can also make it worse. A sex therapist can help uncover the underlying psychological issues and help partners to communicate their feelings and needs to each other. Pelvic physiotherapy may be helpful as well. Sex doesn’t have to be painful; it can be enjoyable.
Frequently Asked Questions
Supporting Couples Through Desire Changes & Family‑Building Transitions
-
Desire discrepancy (differences in sexual desire between partners) is one of the most common reasons couples seek sex therapy.
The higher‑desire partner may feel rejected or unwanted.
The lower‑desire partner may feel pressured, anxious, or inadequate.Over time, this cycle can reduce intimacy even further.
Sex therapy in Toronto and across Ontario (virtually) helps couples understand the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire and reduce the pressure‑withdrawal dynamic so intimacy feels emotionally safe and mutual again.
-
A decrease in libido is common in long‑term relationships.
Sexual desire is influenced by:
Stress and burnout
Emotional disconnection
Parenting demands
Hormonal changes
Mental health concerns
Relationship conflict
Desire is context‑dependent — not a fixed trait.
Sex therapy helps couples identify what may be activating the “brakes” in their sexual relationship and how to create conditions that support connection and pleasure.
-
Trying to conceive can significantly change the emotional tone of intimacy.
Sex may become:
Timed around ovulation
Focused on outcome rather than pleasure
Performance‑driven
Accompanied by anxiety or disappointment
Some partners experience erectile difficulties specifically during fertile windows. Others notice a drop in libido due to stress, hormonal changes, or the emotional weight of repeated cycles.
Over time, sex can begin to feel clinical or pressured rather than connected.
Sex therapy helps couples reduce performance anxiety, understand how stress impacts sexual desire, and restore intimacy in ways that feel emotionally safe and mutually responsive — even during fertility treatment.
If you are seeking broader emotional support related to IVF, miscarriage, or secondary infertility, you may also wish to explore our Fertility Counselling services in Toronto.
-
Yes.
Trying to conceive, fertility treatment, pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and parenting young children can all significantly affect intimacy.
Common concerns include:
Sex feeling scheduled or mechanical
Exhaustion and loss of desire
Body image changes
Emotional distance
Resentment or pressure
Sex therapy supports couples in Toronto, the GTA, and throughout Ontario in rebuilding emotional connection and redefining intimacy during major life transitions.
Sex often needs to be re‑imagined during this stage — not forced back to what it once was.
-
Many individuals believe something is “wrong” with them when their desire changes or when they struggle with intimacy.
Shame around sexuality can be influenced by upbringing, trauma, cultural messaging, relationship dynamics, or past experiences.
Sex therapy provides a professional, non‑judgmental space to explore these concerns and reconnect with your body and sense of pleasure.
You are not broken. Sexual concerns are common and treatable.
-
Sex therapy may help with:
Desire discrepancy (differences in sexual desire)
Low or absent desire
Erectile dysfunction
Premature or delayed ejaculation
Orgasm difficulties
Painful intercourse (including vaginismus)
Sex after children
Sex during or after fertility treatment
Rebuilding sexual intimacy after an affair
Shame, anxiety, or guilt related to sexuality
We support individuals and couples throughout Toronto, the GTA, and Ontario (virtually) who are looking to reconnect with their sexual selves and their partners.
-
Pain during sex is more common than many people realize, but it should not be ignored.
Painful intercourse — including vaginismus or dyspareunia — may be influenced by:
Hormonal changes
Pelvic floor tension
Anxiety or trauma
Medical factors
Fear of pain
Sex therapy explores both physical and emotional contributors and may involve collaboration with a medical doctor or pelvic physiotherapist.
Sex should not be painful. With appropriate support, comfort and pleasure can be restored.
-
Yes.
Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation are common and often linked to anxiety, stress, shame, or relationship strain.
Sex therapy focuses on reducing performance anxiety, identifying emotional triggers, and restoring confidence and connection.
Medical consultation may also be recommended when appropriate.
-
After infidelity, sexual intimacy often becomes complicated by guilt, resentment, insecurity, or fear of comparison.
There may be both longing and fear present in physical closeness.
Sex therapy helps couples process underlying emotions and rebuild trust before restoring sexual connection.
-
Sex therapy is a specialized form of counselling that helps individuals and couples address concerns related to sexual intimacy, desire, performance, pain, or emotional disconnection.
At Relationship Counselling Toronto, we provide sex therapy in Toronto and virtually across Ontario, offering a respectful and supportive space to explore concerns related to intimacy and sexuality.
Sex therapy is talk‑based. There is no physical contact or sexual activity in session. The focus is on understanding emotional, relational, psychological, and sometimes medical factors that may be impacting your sexual experience.
-
Sex therapy is talk‑based. There is no physical contact or sexual activity during sessions.
Early sessions focus on understanding:
Your relationship dynamics
Sexual history and patterns
Emotional triggers
Goals for intimacy
You may receive education, communication strategies, and structured exercises to practise privately at home.
Sessions are available in person in Toronto and virtually across Ontario.
-
No. Sex therapy is available for individuals as well.
Individuals may seek support for:
Anxiety about sexual performance
Shame or body image concerns
Orgasm difficulties
Erectile dysfunction
Healing from relational or sexual trauma
Reconnecting with their erotic identity
Sessions are available in person in Toronto and virtually throughout Ontario.
-
Yes. We offer a complimentary 15‑minute consultation for individuals and couples in Toronto, the Greater Toronto Area, and throughout Ontario (virtually).
This call allows you to ask questions about the process and determine whether sex therapy feels aligned with your needs.
